Birthdays. How I loathe thee.
One year older. One year closer to the grave.
When I was young, all I wanted was to be older.
Now that I am older, all I want is my youth back.
But I have traded it all in.
Now my back hurts all the time.
I have bills to pay.
I don’t like strangers on my lawn.
Come back youth.
I’ve written two or three different posts this week, but none of them have felt like the right thing to say. It’s been a week of highs and lows points. We’ve had life changing decisions to make, a celebration of my birthday and 8th wedding anniversary, and a loss that will cut us deeply in the years to come. It’s the kind of week that you consider spending it at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey to get through it. But, whiskey only mutes the pain and sadness for so long.
When the fuzzy haze disappears, the pain and sadness of loss are still there.
The decisions you may be forced to make because of the selfish and irrational people are still there. Your life is still there.
Life doesn’t stop when your world comes crashing down around you in one foul swoop. In fact, life still keeps kicking you when you are down. You consider staying there on the ground, hoping that life will leave you alone, but it doesn’t. You only have one choice.
Get back up.
Get back up, and fight for what you want. Go toe to toe with life. Make those hard decisions, and pray like hell that they are the right ones. If they aren’t, get back up and find a different path. Mourn your losses, and find strength in their memories to keep going forward. And lastly, cut those toxic people out of your life. Wash away their taint from your skin. Find your new normal, and never fucking look back.
It's been exactly a week since I returned home from Motorcycles, Mobsters, and Mayhem, and the book signing hangover is still lingering. It's a weekend that will forever be one of my favorite signings ever. So many of my closest author, reader, and book professional friends were there. Save one, Miss Nikki, but we'll be doing our damnedest to remedying that next year. It was a weekend of laughs, drinks, weird AF conversations, googling that may have put us on the FBI watch list, and renewing old friendships and making new ones.
In short, it was exactly what I needed to renew my love for this community. From the beginning to the end of the signing, people were lined up to see the Dirty Bitches, and to pick up Winter's 4,000 pre-orders. Right, Julie? Despite the hotness of the room, the crowded rows, and the lack of a chance to run to the restroom, it was one of the best signings that I have ever been to. I was able to meet so many of my readers and bloggers that I have talked to over the years face to face. It was simply spectacular.
But the problem comes in as you're packing up to go home. My least favorite activity after a signing weekend. You're forced to leave behind all that fun and return back to the normal portion of your life. Well for me, as normal as it can be because well, it's me. This time the hangover has refused to let go. It's like the ex who keeps on linger long after you break up, hoping you'll change your mind about the final decision of your relationship. Just go already right? Not a chance. Not this time. It was too good of a time to just go fading away.
Instead, I am trying to funnel all of those feelings back into writing. I have four projects that need to be started ASAP, and what better way to do it than use my signing hangover to do it because the more books I get out, the more signings I can attend.
The race to write is on...only 2ish months to my last signing of the year!
P.S Here are a few photos from last weekend!