Birthdays. How I loathe thee.
One year older. One year closer to the grave.
When I was young, all I wanted was to be older.
Now that I am older, all I want is my youth back.
But I have traded it all in.
Now my back hurts all the time.
I have bills to pay.
I don’t like strangers on my lawn.
Come back youth.
I’ve written two or three different posts this week, but none of them have felt like the right thing to say. It’s been a week of highs and lows points. We’ve had life changing decisions to make, a celebration of my birthday and 8th wedding anniversary, and a loss that will cut us deeply in the years to come. It’s the kind of week that you consider spending it at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey to get through it. But, whiskey only mutes the pain and sadness for so long.
When the fuzzy haze disappears, the pain and sadness of loss are still there.
The decisions you may be forced to make because of the selfish and irrational people are still there. Your life is still there.
Life doesn’t stop when your world comes crashing down around you in one foul swoop. In fact, life still keeps kicking you when you are down. You consider staying there on the ground, hoping that life will leave you alone, but it doesn’t. You only have one choice.
Get back up.
Get back up, and fight for what you want. Go toe to toe with life. Make those hard decisions, and pray like hell that they are the right ones. If they aren’t, get back up and find a different path. Mourn your losses, and find strength in their memories to keep going forward. And lastly, cut those toxic people out of your life. Wash away their taint from your skin. Find your new normal, and never fucking look back.